For the record, I have tried and tried to fix the formatting of this post, but nothing is working for me right now. Sigh. So I am going to go ahead and link this to the un-word link, but continue to work on the formatting. Not sure why no matter what I do, words are split, spacing is funny and font sizes are funky. :(I have already changed my New Year's Resolutions from a list of shoulda....which turns into coulda and woulda, to one-word that helps define my year.Now, The Nester and some of her friends are suggesting adding an UN-word to the year. Something you want to get rid of in your life.Initially I was thinking, well this is easy.
I could write a whole list of things that I want to get rid of: things about myself that I would like to not be, or stop being or needs to be changed or could be improved.
If you need to go negative, I'm your girl.
I am able to see the flaws, focus on how it could have and should have been
better. What more could have been done. What more I should have done.
I am the best at obsessing about my own flaws and beating myself up for them.
And in this rambling I came up with my UN-word of the year: UN-lack.
I know. It's awkward.
And there is probably some dirty joke in there, or at least a rhyme to an
Still, I'm sticking with it.
Why is it that I can come up with a huge list of things that I lack?
Why is it I can be so very hard on myself?
Why is it so hard for me to see myself in a more positive light?
Why is it so hard for me to see so many things in a positive light?
Most days, my cup runneth over. Truly. I do believe that, even if I forget it.
But the area that I feel needs the most time is me.
The area that lacks the most is me.
Why am I not more organized?
Why can't I get more done in a day?
Why don't I remember more things?
Why can I not give my kids enough?
Why do I struggle to balance being a part-time
stay-at-home-mom and two part-time jobs?
Why am I not a better friend, daughter, sister,
mother and wife?
Why do my kids seem to fight more when I am
around than when I am not?
What if I am not teaching my kids enough?
See that list? It's only a partial one; but you can see, the overall theme is all
that I feel I lack.
Maybe I do lack those things and more, but maybe, just maybe, I have more
than I see for myself.
Maybe I don't lack as much as I think I do.
Perhaps, in this yearlong journey of trying to see myself, not for what I lack, but for the skills and strengths and gifts I have, I might actually believe in it.
Well, it's a start.
Here's to 2014: The Year of UN-LACK!